rodion | the battle of the feels

[Optimus doesn't hold back. He's never had the chance to really share this moment with Shockwave. Before he knew it, the senator had been torn from him in both body and mind, both just a shadow of what beauty was once in him. Here, it'd been restored. And their feelings more than shared between them.

Maybe he didn't want to make the same mistake twice, waiting too long to really have something.

His lips press up into the other's as he receives that kiss, head tilting tenderly into that hand. It's not as elegant as Shockwave--his lips were rugged and not exactly giving a gentle peck, but he doubted he minded. The kiss was desperate, wanting. It was amazing how he seemed to soften at Shockwave's touch, treasuring every moment it rested there. He needed this.

They needed this.

His engine rumbles, like a deep purr beneath that plating as he shifts his hold, slowly lowering him. All while not daring to break that connection between them.]

I chose you because you were, and are, the best. ( Wow Shockwave, sound a little less convinced of this fact. He leans into the touch, optics dimming as his own engine gives a low, encouraging rumble. ) Your strengths don't lend you to make the most logical decisions, and therefore your reasoning eluded me.

( A small smile plays at his lips again, placing his free hand into the dirt and leaning his weight on the arm - it's far more comfortable than the alternative, and he doesn't want to move. Because moving means losing this closeness that he hadn't had for so long. )

But no longer. ( His smile widens, hand sliding down to rest over the Autobot brand in the center of Optimus' chest. ) And I'm glad for that, Optimus.

( For letting it mean more, for this chance at-- he's not sure what, but he's glad for it all the same. A second chance at happiness. )

[Hearing that sound is only encouraging, his blunt fingers trailing along where the helm meets his face. Shockwave had always been prided on his looks, both from himself and from others. How anyone could have willingly taken that away is beyond Optimus's understanding, and he's not sure he wants to.

But he listens to the ex-senator's words, finding more and more amusement as it goes on.]

Impulsive. That's what I'd been called.

[His engine purrs a little at that, too. He had reputation as being the cop who would leap first, ask questions later. It's how they met, after all.]

Hmm. Does this mean I'll be predictable?

[Leaving Shockwave's face, his hand ghosts over the other, resting gently on top.]

( If Optimus won't break it, neither will Shockwave. Who isn't at all turned off by the roughness of the kiss; it's amazing what four million years of not having lips will do to someone - it's a bit clumsy as the memories of how to kiss are dragged to the forefront of his mind. His Orion, his Optimus, who he'd wanted to kiss out of pure joy the moment that he proved that not everyone had been lulled into complacency by the Senate. And then who he'd wanted to kiss later for being more than he could have ever hoped for in a candidate for the Primacy.

It is desperate. He'd be a fool if he tried to deny it, and once his feet touch the floor he's pulling Optimus to him roughly, taking a few steps back until his hips hit the table behind him. Not a problem, they'll manage, as he's still kissing Optimus and ending the kiss simply isn't an option.

Not after so long, and not that they're finally doing this. )

[The moment Shockwave has his ground again, he feels himself pulled against him, the kiss now desperate and needed more than before. It was almost hard to believe this was happening. After all these years of nothing but hurt, of losing everything, it's hard to see something this good without a drawback. His Shockwave in his arms, the way he always remembered him.

The way he wants to remember him now.

Thankfully, air isn't needed for Cybertronians to breathe, so he pushes those lips harder against the other, practically crushing them together. Arms fully wrap around the other, weaving in between Shockwave's own. Fingers grip onto that metal back, digging into the seams as he throws himself into that kiss. Every ounce of pain the war gave him, every hole that'd been blasted into him finally starts to heal. And this is when it dawns on him.

He can live again.

They both can. And there was no more hesitation--Optimus was going to love every minute of this as long as Shockwave let him.]

Shockwave.

[He lifts up, just a moment, although he doesn't stray farther than a few inches.]

I want you to know. ...No, I need you to know...

[He's trying to say it, those three words that make all the difference.]

I...

[God, why is he choking on this.]

( Shockwave understands it - he always had. It was effective; remove everything that made him him; that defined him and set him apart from the rest. They aimed to destroy him completely, and did so quite successfully. They thought it was a punishment then, but he viewed it as a rebirth.

Not now. He would never see such an intently intimate violation as anything positive again. Shockwave shivers slightly at the touch, lips spreading in a small smile. )

Impulsive is a fitting word. But I tend to think of it as an attractive trait. ( Not certain he'll get what Shockwave is implying, but that is something he's no stranger to. In all their time together he's not sure Orion ever understood what Shockwave was dangling for. ) Mm, I think not. Or at least I should hope not.

( 'Clinging' might be an exaggeration as to what Shockwave's doing to Optimus, but it's not far off - fingers curved around any surface he can as if he's afraid that the Prime will disappear from his arms, even as he's holding and being held by the other. That somehow this - this thing is an emotional reaction to an illogical scenario, created by clipped together memories patched over others that his brain module has somehow pieced together to deal with the trauma inherent with the ores and his plan--

No. No. This is real. This has to be real. He can pick out each emotion in the swirl that surrounds him constantly, the fact that he can feel them has to be proof of that.

It's a good thing that Optimus doesn't try and pull back far, because Shockwave isn't about to let him go. Instead he rests his forehelm against Optimus', thumbs running small circles against red plating. )

You don't have to say anything, Optimus.

( There's no point in forcing the other to say anything, even as the hope of what it might be sends a warmth running through him. )

[That's what angered Orion the most. Shockwave was beautiful, in both personality and appearance (don't tell him that, his ego's large enough), and both were viciously taken away out of spite. The planet lost a powerful ally, Orion lost a friend, and Shockwave...lost everything.]

You'd be the only one.

[He's still pretty oblivious to Shockwave's word usage, but the sentiment is shared. It's obvious Optimus feels the same way, whether or not he realizes it.]

You had your moments too. I can't remember how many times the Senate called you 'out of order'.

[His tone is warm, comforting as he looks up at those eyes. Maybe that's what attracted him to Shockwave so much. For someone like him, he stood up for what he believed in. That was rare in a senator.]

[Call it whatever you want--Optimus would have held on just as tight if Shockwave wasn't already. To him, the longer he holds the senator, the more it sinks in that this isn't a dream. He's had countless over the four million years about what he could have done differently. If he'd been less impulsive, if he'd not been so confident in his own abilities or Shockwave's.

For underestimating the Senate and the Institute.

Life was giving both of them a second chance--and you can't blame him for wanting to hold onto that as tightly as he could. Which is why he hesitates. He could just end it here; Shockwave knew what he'd meant, where no words were needed. But that didn't seem right. He'd practiced by himself, when he thought Shockwave was gone to him. How he would have said it, where, when...just to relive a memory.

He can't do all of that now, but this...this he could do.]

No, you need to hear it. I watched you function for millions of years, a shadow of what you once were. And you stared back with no feeling for anything we had. Our friendship, what that brought...

Our trust.

I won't lose this chance again, Shockwave.

[Because if by some chance this is a dream, he wants it to end right.]

My spark was once and from now on always will be yours.

[Just three words, Prime. You've got this.]

I love you.

( Oh. Shockwave can't help how his spark practically sings at the words, a face splitting smile spreading over his features as he takes one of Optimus' hands in his. He'll allow that much separation - threading his fingers in between Prime's and holding on. As if he's certain that if he lets go he'll lose this, lose Optimus.

No, he has this. They have this. And he'll be damned if he's going to let someone take it away from them. The Senate, anyone here and now who would separate them. Shockwave knows his own strength now, knows what he's capable of and if anyone would try he'll remind them why they--

No. A deep venting of air serves to calm him down and erase the dark expression that was threatening to overtake him. Focus. On Optimus, on his touch and his words. )

I love you, too. ( A kiss to the corner of his lips, just because he can. But then he pulls back so that he can look Optimus in the eyes. ) I can't- I can't say that I have always loved you, because there is four million years of emptiness between then and now but I love you.

( His other hand comes up to trace the point where Optimus' helm meets his face, head tilted fondly. )

I should have told you before I was lost to you completely.

[He watches Shockwave, that smile telling everything. The Senator wasn't one to let his emotions be hidden, and today was no different. But when he smiles like that, Optimus can't help but notice how much the other seems to glow. Something radiant about him...maybe he was the only one who noticed. His hands follow Shockwave's willingly, as giving and guided as his spark are to the other.

His head tilts, trying to read his expressions. It isn't until Shockwave says something that his blue eyes flicker, the 'matrix blue' shining bright. His lips search out for the other's, but they're pulled away too soon. He doesn't mind--he knows he's not going to be robbed of it any time soon. Not while he's here.]

My Shockwave. Has my Shockwave always loved me?

[Because to him, that's the only Shockwave he wants to remember. A hand breaks their hold, reaching up to cup the other's face in his palm, running a thumb along his cheek. This was his, now. After so long of an aching spark, realizing too late just what his feelings were....this was his.

That smile, those eyes...exactly how he remembered.

Shockwave was--IS... beautiful.]

( No, do tell him. That's the sort of thing he wants to hear from you, Optimus. )

What I see others eventually will, given enough time. Even you didn't think you could be Prime at first. ( And look at you now. ) I've lost count myself, but I was only ever suspended five times.

( A grin, because even though he know his fate was a direct result of their inability to censure him, he wouldn't make any other choice. Someone had to do it, had to be the sole voice of reason among his coworkers. Shockwave's tone is fond - fingers tracing idle patterns across Optimus' plating. If there was a point to this he's lost it long ago. Not that he's complaining. He wouldn't trade this easy companionship for anything else at the moment. )

[Gentle touch was something utterly lost to Cybetronians, it seemed. Because Shockwave's fingers gently tracing the seams of that helm feels so new to the Prime. He'd never let anyone get this particularly close to him--Shockwave being the only exception.

And...a chuckle escapes him. Something else he didn't really show to people. Maybe he just had a selective sense of humor, or maybe it depended on his company.]

Only five.

[Those eyes glance up, meeting the other bot's a moment before pointing up again.]

The North Star.

Humans often use it as a guiding point.

( The laugh softens Shockwave's expressing further, optics dimming happily as he looks down at the Prime. His Prime. Once he'd found Orion there had been no need for any other - Zeta had been an afterthought. Although he cannot help the twinge of guilt at his involvement in setting up that particular mech for the road he would take. How was he supposed to have known? He'd been engaging and--

Well. It didn't matter now. )

I'm sure I would have managed more eventually. ( If his fate hadn't been what it was. But Shockwave follows his hand - focusing in on the star in question. It's not particularly bright, but he does the calculations and smiles slightly. ) True north.

( Humanity is clever, Shockwave will give them that, for the limited amount of time they're given to live. )

( If his smile wasn't wide enough at Optimus' confession, it grows wider at my Shockwave. And Shockwave was his, frame and spark and every other small component that makes up his whole. They all belong to Optimus Prime. The thought would scare a lesser Cybertronian maybe, someone who was less convinced or as willing to trust another. But there is no one else who Shockwave would trust more than he trusts Optimus. )

Yes. ( He can answer that with surety, leaning into the hand on his face. Optics dimming, Shockwave exvents the air he didn't know he was holding in - letting it rush from him in a sigh. ) From the moment you stormed the Senate-- I was yours then, though I only realized it later. I never wanted you to feel like you were obligated to return my feelings, Optimus. Not once.

( Which is why he didn't tell him. Because he would have never been able to live with himself if that were true. )

[The answer alone softens his eyes, as if the weight of four million years is finally lifted. This Cybertronian in front of him was his. He had something after the war. The war that took everything close to him...all the mistakes he made...

He was able to save this.

His arm wraps around the other's waist, still keeping the opposite holding his face, although it moves to tilt his chin up. His spark is practically flaring, the warmth emanating beneath that armor.

Happy. That was what he was feeling.

Happy.

And the glow that had been lost to years of war now finally starts to show in his eyes, a smirk forming on those lips. The rare smirk of Optimus Prime.]

Not even you could force me to do something I don't want to. I am the one who raided the Senate despite any and all injuries.

[Orion, like Optimus, was stubborn.]

[You had good intentions, Shockwave. And the path Zeta went down was of his own choosing. Optimus, as Orion had been just as charmed. He had promise.]

And then I would have had to bail you out. Trouble would always seem to find you.

[He watches Shockwave's gaze, practically reading it like a datapad. He was so open with his emotions, it was easy.]

It's not the brightest star, but it's reliable.

( Another laugh at that, and Shockwave grins. Though his face is quickly overtaken by a cloud of sadness and regret. )

We would have made such a pair if what I had planned out for you came to pass as I wished it. ( But he can reclaim the lighter mood, look at him go. ) Not that you did not become what I hoped for in time - you brought Cybertron out of the war I knew was coming.

( But back to the North Star: ) And do they have stories about that particular star?

( Happiness seems like such a heavy word after millions of years without any emotions but Shockwave finds it fitting. There's a thousand other synonyms that come to mind and yet-- happiness. Yes, that's what it is and he can feel it run through his lines that he has this.

The Senate took who he was, the war allowed him to explore the darkness, and yet there is this. A light, and one Shockwave plans on clinging to. )

It's not the same thing, Optimus. ( A fond shake of his head, and his thumb runs over the other's cheek softly, as if he can't quite believe this. That he's here, in Optimus' arms, whole and rebuilt. Who is currently smirking at him.

He should do it more often - it suits his face. The smirks and the smiles that no one sees because of the faceplate, that no one sees because it's not his way. But Shockwave has, and he'll take that knowledge to the Afterspark, should it exist. ) You may not have realized it at the time but I feared-- I suppose it doesn't matter now.

( On account of the kissing and confessing. )

[He studies that face, each emotion feeling like he's experiencing it for the first time. The way his face creases, the obvious display of whatever he's feeling... Shockwave had always been open like a book when it came to how he felt.]

A pair. Imagine what they would say.

[Not that he cared. They could all have jumped off the Senate building for all he cared. They were things that unfortunately never came to pass, in the end. He'd waited by that bench for Shockwave to return to him, and four million years later he would return. Inbetween that? They were complete strangers.]

Sailors would often follow it if they were lost at sea. It is connected to a larger constellation called Ursa Minor.

"Little Bear".

[It's something Optimus never thought he'd feel again. At least not at this magnitude. When Shockwave gave himself up, his spark sank, and despite waiting for so long...all he got in return was a blank stare. A casual look as if he'd meant nothing.

Four million years seemed so much longer...

He won't lose him again. This second chance is what he has to cling to. And everyone deserves a second chance.

This is his.]

...You and the little details.

[He presses forward, hands holding onto the other's arms as he tilts his head, clinking it gently against the helm. The very thought of Shockwave's position having an influence on his decision...No, it was Shockwave's personality that drew the senator to him. And it always would have been. If there was anything Optimus cared little for, it was the restraints of social class.]

It doesn't. Except...I don't want the same pressure to come to you.

[The last thing he wants is Shockwave to be pressured into something because of his Prime status. Although, he doubts that's an issue.]

I somehow don't think I have to worry. My Shockwave.

Scientist. The little details are just as important as the whole picture - overlook one and the whole thing comes undone.

( Shockwave vents out slowly, letting a smile creep over his face again - honest and true. There might be no cure for the darkness in the back of his optics but Optimus is as close as Shockwave thinks anyone will ever come. No one has ever been quite like Optimus, and no other mech will compare. His brightest hope, his Prime, his Orion Pax. )

Always.

( Which is all he wants to say before he's kissing Optimus again. The novelty of it, the feeling of those lips against his-- Shockwave is never going to get over it so long as he still functions. The fact he's able to at all - past the Senate's meddling, past the war - he's really himself, mind and body, and he can do this. They can do this.

This time his kiss is still desperate, still demanding, but there's a sureness behind his movements that wasn't there before. A rightness to the way one arms slips around his neck to pull Optimus close and the way his other hand traces over the creases in his chest plating. )

Never was good at science. I just saw a goal and...leapt at it.

[Like right now, as he pulls Shockwave closer into his arms, pressing his lips into the other. Feeling the warmth from their press. There was no doubt now, everything they'd ever wanted before the war, but didn't know it, was now theirs. A Prime and his Senator, and he knew that he could change things. With Shockwave here, he felt he could do anything.

There's a soft grip of the table, using it to move them around it and to the wall. He's not so gentle anymore--he doesn't have to watch his moves. Now...he knows this is what Shockwave wants, and he wouldn't dare deny him any bit of passion that Optimus felt. And he would be the only one to see it.

There's a forceful press against the wall of the lab, tilting his head to align their helms in a more comfortable way in their kiss. It's desperate, hungry for that attention and feeling that he's been robbed of for four million years. What the Institute took away, now returned. His weight leans in further, as if somehow trying to mesh their atoms together as his hands press against those arms, gently but powerfully.

He loved him, more than anything.]

[What an interesting turn of events this had become. What had started off as an act of anger and passion (mostly from his dead partners) had quickly turned into his inevitable execution, only to THEN become saved by someone. Someone he'd barely met. He'd been given a time and place--Memorial Park by the bench to wait. And from then on, he'd met not only his savior, but a powerful ally.

One who believed something in him.

Roller of course, objected to the meetings. Saying that the Senator was just as shady as the others, if not more suspicious for being different.

But maybe different was what Orion needed in a time like this, when his views were so heavily changed by one person. By now, he welcomed the company. Shockwave was a very intelligent woman. Charming, beautiful, smart, compassionate. It was almost too good to be true, that she existed.

His blue eyes flick up when he sees her approach, a smile spreading across his lips.]

You're late.

( Orion was, in many respects, the answer to Shockwave's prayers. There's promise in him, promise and something more that she deeply, deeply suspects. It would take digging, yes, but if there's one thing Shockwave knows how to do, it's to plan and wait.

Politician. Among other things, but Shockwave hasn't lasted in the game as long as she has at her age without learning how to play. But she waves at Orion, dressed warmly, with an accompanying red wool coat. Not as bright as her normal colors, but the coat made up for it as far as Shockwave was concerned.

She slides into the bench next to him, smile tugging at her lips. )

I really am sorry - I got held up in a meeting with Proteus. You would not believe ( And here her smile falls, sliding into a scowl smoothly. ) how vile he can be.

the battle of the feels

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OLD GAY FIRST THEN NEW GAY

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deal with the lack of exciting icons okok

no you're fired

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