rodion | the battle of the feels

( His engine kicks up in a contented, rumbling hum. This he could get used to, this closeness and affection and love. It helps him banish the darkness to the corners of his mind where he won't dwell on it, won't think about anything except for the fact he's in the arms of his Prime. )

Is that what this is? ( Teasing, of course. But he takes advantage of their position and the fact that Optimus' head is tilted back to bring his own head down again - lips just barely brushing the other's when he speaks again. ) I'm honored.

( And then he kisses him properly, this time noticeably less sweet and chaste as the last two. He's not going to waste a second now that they have the chance - one hand come to cup the side of Optimus' helm while the other curves into his shoulder plating. )

[Optimus doesn't hold back. He's never had the chance to really share this moment with Shockwave. Before he knew it, the senator had been torn from him in both body and mind, both just a shadow of what beauty was once in him. Here, it'd been restored. And their feelings more than shared between them.

Maybe he didn't want to make the same mistake twice, waiting too long to really have something.

His lips press up into the other's as he receives that kiss, head tilting tenderly into that hand. It's not as elegant as Shockwave--his lips were rugged and not exactly giving a gentle peck, but he doubted he minded. The kiss was desperate, wanting. It was amazing how he seemed to soften at Shockwave's touch, treasuring every moment it rested there. He needed this.

They needed this.

His engine rumbles, like a deep purr beneath that plating as he shifts his hold, slowly lowering him. All while not daring to break that connection between them.]

( If Optimus won't break it, neither will Shockwave. Who isn't at all turned off by the roughness of the kiss; it's amazing what four million years of not having lips will do to someone - it's a bit clumsy as the memories of how to kiss are dragged to the forefront of his mind. His Orion, his Optimus, who he'd wanted to kiss out of pure joy the moment that he proved that not everyone had been lulled into complacency by the Senate. And then who he'd wanted to kiss later for being more than he could have ever hoped for in a candidate for the Primacy.

It is desperate. He'd be a fool if he tried to deny it, and once his feet touch the floor he's pulling Optimus to him roughly, taking a few steps back until his hips hit the table behind him. Not a problem, they'll manage, as he's still kissing Optimus and ending the kiss simply isn't an option.

Not after so long, and not that they're finally doing this. )

[The moment Shockwave has his ground again, he feels himself pulled against him, the kiss now desperate and needed more than before. It was almost hard to believe this was happening. After all these years of nothing but hurt, of losing everything, it's hard to see something this good without a drawback. His Shockwave in his arms, the way he always remembered him.

The way he wants to remember him now.

Thankfully, air isn't needed for Cybertronians to breathe, so he pushes those lips harder against the other, practically crushing them together. Arms fully wrap around the other, weaving in between Shockwave's own. Fingers grip onto that metal back, digging into the seams as he throws himself into that kiss. Every ounce of pain the war gave him, every hole that'd been blasted into him finally starts to heal. And this is when it dawns on him.

He can live again.

They both can. And there was no more hesitation--Optimus was going to love every minute of this as long as Shockwave let him.]

Shockwave.

[He lifts up, just a moment, although he doesn't stray farther than a few inches.]

I want you to know. ...No, I need you to know...

[He's trying to say it, those three words that make all the difference.]

I...

[God, why is he choking on this.]

( 'Clinging' might be an exaggeration as to what Shockwave's doing to Optimus, but it's not far off - fingers curved around any surface he can as if he's afraid that the Prime will disappear from his arms, even as he's holding and being held by the other. That somehow this - this thing is an emotional reaction to an illogical scenario, created by clipped together memories patched over others that his brain module has somehow pieced together to deal with the trauma inherent with the ores and his plan--

No. No. This is real. This has to be real. He can pick out each emotion in the swirl that surrounds him constantly, the fact that he can feel them has to be proof of that.

It's a good thing that Optimus doesn't try and pull back far, because Shockwave isn't about to let him go. Instead he rests his forehelm against Optimus', thumbs running small circles against red plating. )

You don't have to say anything, Optimus.

( There's no point in forcing the other to say anything, even as the hope of what it might be sends a warmth running through him. )

[Call it whatever you want--Optimus would have held on just as tight if Shockwave wasn't already. To him, the longer he holds the senator, the more it sinks in that this isn't a dream. He's had countless over the four million years about what he could have done differently. If he'd been less impulsive, if he'd not been so confident in his own abilities or Shockwave's.

For underestimating the Senate and the Institute.

Life was giving both of them a second chance--and you can't blame him for wanting to hold onto that as tightly as he could. Which is why he hesitates. He could just end it here; Shockwave knew what he'd meant, where no words were needed. But that didn't seem right. He'd practiced by himself, when he thought Shockwave was gone to him. How he would have said it, where, when...just to relive a memory.

He can't do all of that now, but this...this he could do.]

No, you need to hear it. I watched you function for millions of years, a shadow of what you once were. And you stared back with no feeling for anything we had. Our friendship, what that brought...

Our trust.

I won't lose this chance again, Shockwave.

[Because if by some chance this is a dream, he wants it to end right.]

My spark was once and from now on always will be yours.

[Just three words, Prime. You've got this.]

I love you.

( Oh. Shockwave can't help how his spark practically sings at the words, a face splitting smile spreading over his features as he takes one of Optimus' hands in his. He'll allow that much separation - threading his fingers in between Prime's and holding on. As if he's certain that if he lets go he'll lose this, lose Optimus.

No, he has this. They have this. And he'll be damned if he's going to let someone take it away from them. The Senate, anyone here and now who would separate them. Shockwave knows his own strength now, knows what he's capable of and if anyone would try he'll remind them why they--

No. A deep venting of air serves to calm him down and erase the dark expression that was threatening to overtake him. Focus. On Optimus, on his touch and his words. )

I love you, too. ( A kiss to the corner of his lips, just because he can. But then he pulls back so that he can look Optimus in the eyes. ) I can't- I can't say that I have always loved you, because there is four million years of emptiness between then and now but I love you.

( His other hand comes up to trace the point where Optimus' helm meets his face, head tilted fondly. )

I should have told you before I was lost to you completely.

[He watches Shockwave, that smile telling everything. The Senator wasn't one to let his emotions be hidden, and today was no different. But when he smiles like that, Optimus can't help but notice how much the other seems to glow. Something radiant about him...maybe he was the only one who noticed. His hands follow Shockwave's willingly, as giving and guided as his spark are to the other.

His head tilts, trying to read his expressions. It isn't until Shockwave says something that his blue eyes flicker, the 'matrix blue' shining bright. His lips search out for the other's, but they're pulled away too soon. He doesn't mind--he knows he's not going to be robbed of it any time soon. Not while he's here.]

My Shockwave. Has my Shockwave always loved me?

[Because to him, that's the only Shockwave he wants to remember. A hand breaks their hold, reaching up to cup the other's face in his palm, running a thumb along his cheek. This was his, now. After so long of an aching spark, realizing too late just what his feelings were....this was his.

That smile, those eyes...exactly how he remembered.

Shockwave was--IS... beautiful.]

( If his smile wasn't wide enough at Optimus' confession, it grows wider at my Shockwave. And Shockwave was his, frame and spark and every other small component that makes up his whole. They all belong to Optimus Prime. The thought would scare a lesser Cybertronian maybe, someone who was less convinced or as willing to trust another. But there is no one else who Shockwave would trust more than he trusts Optimus. )

Yes. ( He can answer that with surety, leaning into the hand on his face. Optics dimming, Shockwave exvents the air he didn't know he was holding in - letting it rush from him in a sigh. ) From the moment you stormed the Senate-- I was yours then, though I only realized it later. I never wanted you to feel like you were obligated to return my feelings, Optimus. Not once.

( Which is why he didn't tell him. Because he would have never been able to live with himself if that were true. )

[The answer alone softens his eyes, as if the weight of four million years is finally lifted. This Cybertronian in front of him was his. He had something after the war. The war that took everything close to him...all the mistakes he made...

He was able to save this.

His arm wraps around the other's waist, still keeping the opposite holding his face, although it moves to tilt his chin up. His spark is practically flaring, the warmth emanating beneath that armor.

Happy. That was what he was feeling.

Happy.

And the glow that had been lost to years of war now finally starts to show in his eyes, a smirk forming on those lips. The rare smirk of Optimus Prime.]

Not even you could force me to do something I don't want to. I am the one who raided the Senate despite any and all injuries.

[Orion, like Optimus, was stubborn.]

( Happiness seems like such a heavy word after millions of years without any emotions but Shockwave finds it fitting. There's a thousand other synonyms that come to mind and yet-- happiness. Yes, that's what it is and he can feel it run through his lines that he has this.

The Senate took who he was, the war allowed him to explore the darkness, and yet there is this. A light, and one Shockwave plans on clinging to. )

It's not the same thing, Optimus. ( A fond shake of his head, and his thumb runs over the other's cheek softly, as if he can't quite believe this. That he's here, in Optimus' arms, whole and rebuilt. Who is currently smirking at him.

He should do it more often - it suits his face. The smirks and the smiles that no one sees because of the faceplate, that no one sees because it's not his way. But Shockwave has, and he'll take that knowledge to the Afterspark, should it exist. ) You may not have realized it at the time but I feared-- I suppose it doesn't matter now.

( On account of the kissing and confessing. )

[It's something Optimus never thought he'd feel again. At least not at this magnitude. When Shockwave gave himself up, his spark sank, and despite waiting for so long...all he got in return was a blank stare. A casual look as if he'd meant nothing.

Four million years seemed so much longer...

He won't lose him again. This second chance is what he has to cling to. And everyone deserves a second chance.

This is his.]

...You and the little details.

[He presses forward, hands holding onto the other's arms as he tilts his head, clinking it gently against the helm. The very thought of Shockwave's position having an influence on his decision...No, it was Shockwave's personality that drew the senator to him. And it always would have been. If there was anything Optimus cared little for, it was the restraints of social class.]

It doesn't. Except...I don't want the same pressure to come to you.

[The last thing he wants is Shockwave to be pressured into something because of his Prime status. Although, he doubts that's an issue.]

I somehow don't think I have to worry. My Shockwave.

Scientist. The little details are just as important as the whole picture - overlook one and the whole thing comes undone.

( Shockwave vents out slowly, letting a smile creep over his face again - honest and true. There might be no cure for the darkness in the back of his optics but Optimus is as close as Shockwave thinks anyone will ever come. No one has ever been quite like Optimus, and no other mech will compare. His brightest hope, his Prime, his Orion Pax. )

Always.

( Which is all he wants to say before he's kissing Optimus again. The novelty of it, the feeling of those lips against his-- Shockwave is never going to get over it so long as he still functions. The fact he's able to at all - past the Senate's meddling, past the war - he's really himself, mind and body, and he can do this. They can do this.

This time his kiss is still desperate, still demanding, but there's a sureness behind his movements that wasn't there before. A rightness to the way one arms slips around his neck to pull Optimus close and the way his other hand traces over the creases in his chest plating. )

Never was good at science. I just saw a goal and...leapt at it.

[Like right now, as he pulls Shockwave closer into his arms, pressing his lips into the other. Feeling the warmth from their press. There was no doubt now, everything they'd ever wanted before the war, but didn't know it, was now theirs. A Prime and his Senator, and he knew that he could change things. With Shockwave here, he felt he could do anything.

There's a soft grip of the table, using it to move them around it and to the wall. He's not so gentle anymore--he doesn't have to watch his moves. Now...he knows this is what Shockwave wants, and he wouldn't dare deny him any bit of passion that Optimus felt. And he would be the only one to see it.

There's a forceful press against the wall of the lab, tilting his head to align their helms in a more comfortable way in their kiss. It's desperate, hungry for that attention and feeling that he's been robbed of for four million years. What the Institute took away, now returned. His weight leans in further, as if somehow trying to mesh their atoms together as his hands press against those arms, gently but powerfully.

He loved him, more than anything.]

( Whatever response Shockwave has for that particular statement is cut off by the kiss and he loses all desire to even pretend that there's nothing he doesn't want to do but stand here and kiss Optimus. Four million years was a terribly long time to wait, even for their species, and while he doesn't put much stock into the human methods of measuring out time he wouldn't want to waste a second - even if it hardly mattered against their long lives.

A sound escapes him when he feels his back connect with the wall, so preoccupied with kissing that it had completely failed to register that they were moving. Surprised, yes, but not uncomfortable. The warmth and weight of Optimus is welcome, and he makes a pleased sound in the back of his throat when Optimus presses him further into the wall. Passion had always been something he thought he made his domain, but Optimus certainly made a claim to it just as much as he.

So he simply pulls him tighter, kisses him harder and more demanding. And when he finally breaks away, it's only to trail light kisses across the edge of Optimus' jaw. Well, that and to slide one hand against the place where Shockwave knew the Prime's chassis must open. There's no Matrix there, he knows that, but his modification is still there. )

May I?

[His push is never too much. He knows that Shockwave's something that he has to be somewhat gentle with, although gentle for Orion/Optimus is still quite strong. Blame it on the wanting, the yearning to hold Shockwave like this, since they'd become more acquainted with each other on that bench in the Memorial Park. All of it led up to this moment. And it was safe to say, now Optimus felt a little impatient.

The pleased sounds from Shockwave drive him further, keeping the kiss up as long as he's allowed to be there, every ounce of passion he had for the Senator being poured in. It makes his ventilation kick in, his engine slightly kick on. His spark flare.

He didn't show emotion as easily as the other bot did, but he certainly had enough of it built up for this. And when Shockwave pulls him close, meshing their lips more firmly together, he smiles. Not just a subtle one, but pure and wide. Happily.

It takes a lot for him to pull back, intending to pick up right where he started in a few seconds. His eyes trail Shockwave's hand, down to his chest, and right to that area. He knew exactly what the other bot wanted too.

There isn't even a response at first, plating begins to shift the moment Shockwave asks, sliding over each other clean and neatly, glass pulling up and out of the way.

Revealing that modification Shockwave had put in.]

It's yours.

Mm, I did design it, yes.

( Optimus' had been the last and his best - Shockwave needed this one to count. If the others failed to allow for bonding with the Matrix, well, that was too bad, but Shockwave wouldn't spend sleepless nights prevented from falling into recharge with thoughts of it. But this one? Optimus'? No, this one needed to work. And he was saddened by the fact he never could appreciate it it properly when it had.

His fingers slip in, tracing the lines and the edges of the modification that made carrying the matrix possible - all rough edges when compared to the smooth metal Shockwave knows he installed. Age will do that to a mech, however, and if anything it simply makes him more attractive. But he pauses when his fingers hit the far wall - the simple plating that keeps the Matrix chamber separated from the spark. )

And this?

( A gentle tap, indicating that it's a question about what lies behind it. Oh, Shockwave already knows what his answer will be thanks to the confessions earlier, but it's one thing to say it and another thing to know it. )

[When Shockwave's fingers slip in, feeling them gloss over the smooth metal, his eyes remain ever fixed on them, noticing just how worn he was, compared to the well protected, pristine interior that Shockwave had added on. It only showed as a symbol of what the war did. He tried to read Shockwave's opinion on it, seeing the gentle way he runs those fingers along the scratches and onto the smoother surface.

But then, he feels those same fingers against the back of it. He knew just what Shockwave was asking about--it was obvious.

His head tilts, to meet those eyes. There's no words needed as the plating shifts there, disappearing before Shockwave's very fingers, now illuminated by a bright, warm glow. Green in colour.]

Yours.

[His hand reaches up, taking the other's by the wrist and holding it there as his eyes close.]

Only yours.

( The trust implicit in the gesture Optimus is making is astounding, and Shockwave can't help but feel honored and flattered by it - fingers bathed in the green light of his spark. He's seen it once before, of course, but it registered as a mild curiosity. Perhaps the modification had taken to Optimus better partly in thanks to the fact that he was a point one percenter, but Shockwave had long wondered if that specific designation meant as much as everyone assumed it did. He'd seen it come in so many variations, after all, including his own.

It isn't a particular blow to his ego that Megatron never considered him to be qualified to become a phase sixer, even now with the ability to feel. While revulsion comes with even the thought, a distant part of him reminds himself that it would have been illogical to turn a scientist into a warrior. Megatron had had his needs, and Shockwave had provided because an objection would not have been logical.

There was a time and a place for this train of thought, however, and it wasn't here - with Optimus' spark so close to his fingers. Instead Shockwave lets out a shuttering exvent and reaches forward to brush his fingertips against the escaping tendrils of energy. )

My brightest hope. Optimus Prime.

[It's everything he can give to Shockwave. Out of any part of a Cybertronian, the spark was the most important--the most cherished. It's your soul and your lifeline combined, and to show someone that is considered to be the utmost in trust.

Shockwave had earned that long ago. Now, it lay before him, open and free of guilt. He'd saved Shockwave, and was trusting the other bot with his life now. Without fear, he watches as Shockwave's fingers loop through the tendrils of energy, closing his eyes as he feels it to the core of his being.

Even just the emanating energy had such an affect on him, enough for that engine to purr slightly.]

And you were mine.

[His head leans forward, touching against the others' again.]

I hoped I'd see you again. You were what kept me fighting.

[His hand gestures up, towards his spark.]

This spark is still glowing because of you. And for that...I hope you accept it.

( Shockwave offlines his optics the moment Optimus' helm brushes his, shuddering slightly before pressing the advantage and kissing Optimus again. Now that he can, he can't find it within himself to stop. After everything - the Shadowplay, the four million years of not being himself, of nearly destroying the universe and finding himself again - he's going to let himself have this one thing. )

Yes. ( Of course he accepts it, what else can he do? And as his fingers dip further into the spark he feels the tingle of energy run through his plating and lines, leaving a sharp taste in his mouth and on his tongue that he can only describe as being uniquely Optimus. ) Thank you, Optimus, for never giving up.

( For always remembering who he was.

His own plating peels away, folding back to reveal his own spark chamber. An exchange, if you will, as if there was another option. He remembers - distantly - the time where he'd been removed from his own body and there's a moment where he wants to stop, air stilling in his vents. No. That's not him, and Optimus would not.

Another shuttering intake and venting, before his frame relaxes more and he onlines his optics once more. )

It was yours, has always been, even though you never knew.

[And it's something Optimus is glad for. Just to have something Shockwave can call his. That no one else could have as long as Energon flowed through him. The kiss is reciprocated, tenderly, as he lets the Senator touch what he's never shown anyone aside from a medic.

Hearing the confirmation, that Shockwave accepts him, is more than enough for him. He would have accepted that, feeling part of his soul almost enter Shockwave, somewhat feeling the energy flow into his fingers.

He'd waited so long to offer himself like this to Shockwave, perhaps longer without even knowing it.

He's about to say something, before a lovely green light appears to match his own--Shockwave's own chest plating opening up revealing...in Optimus's opinion... the brightest spark he'd ever seen.

Not that he'd seen many. His eyes widen, gently taking in its light as a hand reaches out, hearing Shockwave's words. This was his. Although not as delicate as the Senator's, his hand stretches closer, feeling the tendrils of energy play along his rugged hand, the energy itself new and exciting.

Just like Shockwave himself.]

Beautiful.

[Always a bot of few words. But whatever he said...he meant it.]

( There's a low rumble of laughter at Optimus's word - he can feel it vibrate through his frame, coupling with the warmth that being this close to the other bot brings. It's an altogether pleasant experience that Shockwave delights in, least of all because he can feel it again. A few months of emotions is nothing compared to millions of years without them and every rush of anger, happiness, sorrow, and love is welcomed. This is who he is, not what he was.

Not-so gentle brush of fingers across the flickering energy aside, Shockwave can't help but vent his systems in a slow sigh of air. It's too real, to sharply formed in his mind in shapes and colors and feelings that he can't doubt his system's own feedback and yet-- and yet--

How long has he wanted this? Even without the unfortunate break it's still longer than he cares to think about. )

I did say that was one of my goals, did I not?

( To be remembered for his beauty and his brains. And perhaps there was still a chance for that when all was said and done, no matter what he'd done in the past. This was a chance, a new chance for something mostly unsullied by his actions. )

But you, Optimus-- ( He smiles again - more sure in his actions as he caresses the surface of Optimus's spark gently. Coaxing it further out of its casing, because there is only one way he wants this to end. ) I cannot hope to match you.

[And Optimus feels every emotion. Shockwave was always so strong in his emotions, and as his fingers gently intertwined with the tendrils of energy, he could feel them. Feel everything it was that made Shockwave Shockwave, and not the one the Institute tried to snuff out.

There's a delighted hum of his engine at Shockwave's answer. Beauty and brains...Shockwave certainly excelled at both, and what a dangerous combo to have. It was enough to capture the Prime's very spark whole, and willingly.

This was a new start for both of them, but in a way, it was picking up where they left off.

Optimus wasn't going to leave things to chance anymore.]

Even a king is in awe of the sun, Shockwave.

[He knows just how cocky that sounds. But it was true. To him, Shockwave was his star. His light.

That spark is coaxed out a little more, without hesitation. He did say he was Shockwave's after all, and that wasn't more apparent than right now.]

the battle of the feels

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

deal with the lack of exciting icons okok

no you're fired

dats rude AFTER ALL I DO FOR YOU

8D

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject