rodion | the battle of the feels

[A small laugh escapes him. It wasn't often Optimus laughed, but this...that...was amusing. 'Unlike Cybertronians' seemed like such an understatement. They were on a completely different playing field in his eyes. Human wars? Lasted maybe ten years at the very most. Their war was almost 400,000 times that.

His head seems to nuzzle itself into Shockwave's lap, letting those fingers work their magic. It felt nice...to be doted on like this. And this was the only Cybertronian who could get away with it.]

Perhaps. Although, we didn't exactly leave on a positive note.

You didn't leave after the threat of Megatron had been eliminated. ( A statement, not a question. Shockwave hums, and the motions of his hands falter slightly. ) I thought the decision was illogical ( He frowns, as if the word itself left a bad taste in his mouth. He doesn't deal with the memories. Or at least he doesn't try to - knowing that the echoing refrain of 'what have I done' will ring in his audials forever without thinking on his past actions for the last four million years. ) when I heard of it. The war was over - why would you stay on a planet that didn't want you?

( Declining to remark upon the wisdom of any of Optimus's choices, he continues. )

I failed to take into account that you would not simply stand by and watch others suffer because of you.

[The word stings him too, his spark cringing at it. He didn't want to think about it now, not while he's in the other's lap and looking at the stars. At the infinite amount of space that showed possibility, not logistics.

But those words make him look up into those eyes, instead of at the stars.]

I thought you would have known my stubbornness by then.

I never stand idly by.

My dear Optimus Prime ( And while he might have been cooly logical before, his tone is a rumble of fondness and good humor. Gone are the years where nothing causes him to feel - banished into the past. Shockwave is haunted by them, but they are not him anymore. ) knowing and understanding are two different things. I can know a great deal about you and yet fail to understand any of it, not even after four million years.

( Leaning forward, Shockwave once again resumes his tender touches of Optimus' helm - this time sliding from the antennae to the helm proper - tracing the lines with the same level of tenderness. )

All of the things I couldn't understand, they're all what made choosing you the wisest thing I've ever done.

( Everything had gone wrong in his plans, so quickly unmade by the choice to save a life. But the Matrix chamber within Optimus was the correct thing to have done, to fix him for. No one else could have done what he did, and Shockwave hates to think of a world where it was not Optimus who let the Autobots but someone else. Someone lesser. )

Edited 2014-08-21 16:23 (UTC)

[The sheer emotion in his voice is enough to close his eyes, letting the tone sink in. He almost feels four million years younger, hearing it. That cheerful tone, how it rang whenever he did the most mundane of things.]

So you chose me because you couldn't understand me.

[He sounds amused by it, leaning into that touch willingly.]

I can't say it's the first time I've heard it.

[A hand reaches up, fingers gliding along Shockwave's cheek as he just studies it. It's the same as it'd been when he was a senator, full of life and emotion. Not battered down by years of war. Perhaps the shadowplay saved him from that, in some dark, twisted way of looking at it.]

Although it means much more here.

I chose you because you were, and are, the best. ( Wow Shockwave, sound a little less convinced of this fact. He leans into the touch, optics dimming as his own engine gives a low, encouraging rumble. ) Your strengths don't lend you to make the most logical decisions, and therefore your reasoning eluded me.

( A small smile plays at his lips again, placing his free hand into the dirt and leaning his weight on the arm - it's far more comfortable than the alternative, and he doesn't want to move. Because moving means losing this closeness that he hadn't had for so long. )

But no longer. ( His smile widens, hand sliding down to rest over the Autobot brand in the center of Optimus' chest. ) And I'm glad for that, Optimus.

( For letting it mean more, for this chance at-- he's not sure what, but he's glad for it all the same. A second chance at happiness. )

[Hearing that sound is only encouraging, his blunt fingers trailing along where the helm meets his face. Shockwave had always been prided on his looks, both from himself and from others. How anyone could have willingly taken that away is beyond Optimus's understanding, and he's not sure he wants to.

But he listens to the ex-senator's words, finding more and more amusement as it goes on.]

Impulsive. That's what I'd been called.

[His engine purrs a little at that, too. He had reputation as being the cop who would leap first, ask questions later. It's how they met, after all.]

Hmm. Does this mean I'll be predictable?

[Leaving Shockwave's face, his hand ghosts over the other, resting gently on top.]

( Shockwave understands it - he always had. It was effective; remove everything that made him him; that defined him and set him apart from the rest. They aimed to destroy him completely, and did so quite successfully. They thought it was a punishment then, but he viewed it as a rebirth.

Not now. He would never see such an intently intimate violation as anything positive again. Shockwave shivers slightly at the touch, lips spreading in a small smile. )

Impulsive is a fitting word. But I tend to think of it as an attractive trait. ( Not certain he'll get what Shockwave is implying, but that is something he's no stranger to. In all their time together he's not sure Orion ever understood what Shockwave was dangling for. ) Mm, I think not. Or at least I should hope not.

[That's what angered Orion the most. Shockwave was beautiful, in both personality and appearance (don't tell him that, his ego's large enough), and both were viciously taken away out of spite. The planet lost a powerful ally, Orion lost a friend, and Shockwave...lost everything.]

You'd be the only one.

[He's still pretty oblivious to Shockwave's word usage, but the sentiment is shared. It's obvious Optimus feels the same way, whether or not he realizes it.]

You had your moments too. I can't remember how many times the Senate called you 'out of order'.

[His tone is warm, comforting as he looks up at those eyes. Maybe that's what attracted him to Shockwave so much. For someone like him, he stood up for what he believed in. That was rare in a senator.]

( No, do tell him. That's the sort of thing he wants to hear from you, Optimus. )

What I see others eventually will, given enough time. Even you didn't think you could be Prime at first. ( And look at you now. ) I've lost count myself, but I was only ever suspended five times.

( A grin, because even though he know his fate was a direct result of their inability to censure him, he wouldn't make any other choice. Someone had to do it, had to be the sole voice of reason among his coworkers. Shockwave's tone is fond - fingers tracing idle patterns across Optimus' plating. If there was a point to this he's lost it long ago. Not that he's complaining. He wouldn't trade this easy companionship for anything else at the moment. )

[Gentle touch was something utterly lost to Cybetronians, it seemed. Because Shockwave's fingers gently tracing the seams of that helm feels so new to the Prime. He'd never let anyone get this particularly close to him--Shockwave being the only exception.

And...a chuckle escapes him. Something else he didn't really show to people. Maybe he just had a selective sense of humor, or maybe it depended on his company.]

Only five.

[Those eyes glance up, meeting the other bot's a moment before pointing up again.]

The North Star.

Humans often use it as a guiding point.

( The laugh softens Shockwave's expressing further, optics dimming happily as he looks down at the Prime. His Prime. Once he'd found Orion there had been no need for any other - Zeta had been an afterthought. Although he cannot help the twinge of guilt at his involvement in setting up that particular mech for the road he would take. How was he supposed to have known? He'd been engaging and--

Well. It didn't matter now. )

I'm sure I would have managed more eventually. ( If his fate hadn't been what it was. But Shockwave follows his hand - focusing in on the star in question. It's not particularly bright, but he does the calculations and smiles slightly. ) True north.

( Humanity is clever, Shockwave will give them that, for the limited amount of time they're given to live. )

[You had good intentions, Shockwave. And the path Zeta went down was of his own choosing. Optimus, as Orion had been just as charmed. He had promise.]

And then I would have had to bail you out. Trouble would always seem to find you.

[He watches Shockwave's gaze, practically reading it like a datapad. He was so open with his emotions, it was easy.]

It's not the brightest star, but it's reliable.

( Another laugh at that, and Shockwave grins. Though his face is quickly overtaken by a cloud of sadness and regret. )

We would have made such a pair if what I had planned out for you came to pass as I wished it. ( But he can reclaim the lighter mood, look at him go. ) Not that you did not become what I hoped for in time - you brought Cybertron out of the war I knew was coming.

( But back to the North Star: ) And do they have stories about that particular star?

[He studies that face, each emotion feeling like he's experiencing it for the first time. The way his face creases, the obvious display of whatever he's feeling... Shockwave had always been open like a book when it came to how he felt.]

A pair. Imagine what they would say.

[Not that he cared. They could all have jumped off the Senate building for all he cared. They were things that unfortunately never came to pass, in the end. He'd waited by that bench for Shockwave to return to him, and four million years later he would return. Inbetween that? They were complete strangers.]

Sailors would often follow it if they were lost at sea. It is connected to a larger constellation called Ursa Minor.

"Little Bear".

Nothing flattering, but then again I think you and I have had plenty of practice in caring little for what others have to say.

( Lost at sea, hmm. Shockwave felt as if he knew something of what that felt like. )

Is there a "Big Bear" to create a matched set?

True. I place value in only a select few on what to think of me.

[Those eyes flick to him.]

And yes, it's not very far from the little one. Those four stars in a box shape. That's part of it.

( Shockwave does whatever the approximation of an eyebrow raise for a robot is, smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. )

Mm. I'll be certain to keep that under advisement.

( His hands go back to Optimus' ear decorations almost as if his hands had a will of their own. )

Should I bother asking for their story? I must admit I'm curious.

[Optimus's head leans into that touch once more, like an anxious pup who knows its ears are going to be pet. He could be this comfortable around Shockwave, no one was there to stop them. But he seems too distracted, eyes cast up towards Shockwave himself.

Taking in how perfect he looks against the clear night sky.]

Apologies, I seem to have my sights on...

Some other celestial body.

[WOW THAT WAS. FUCKIN LAME.]

( That makes Shockwave laugh - fondly, of course. He couldn't imagine it being anything else, even if he's pleasantly surprised at the sudden comment. Well. )

And here I thought that would be better applied to the one who has a constellation named for him. ( It doesn't matter if it's not really named for Orion, it's the thought that counts. ) Although I can't find it within myself to say that you're wrong.

( HE'S KIND OF VAIN OKAY. YOU KNOW THAT GOING IN, OPTIMUS. )

[He knew it sounded stupid, but if it could get a laugh like that out of the Senator...well, he'd do just about anything for that.]

Modest.

[It's said just as fondly, reaching up again to stroke along the Senator's cheek.]

But I didn't think you would disagree. I don't lie very often.

Would denying that I am be seen only as further proof of it, or enough to set your mind at ease?

( Teasing, because please. He knows he's good looking and insanely smart. And while-- recent events of the past four million years might have tempered him somewhat, the fact that he can feel pride in his own abilities is enough for him to try it. )

No, you don't.

( One of the many things Shockwave likes about Orion, tiling his head so that he can lean further into Optimus' hand, cherishing the touch. )

[Shockwave's confidence (vanity, let's be real) always intrigued Optimus. For as much as he tried to push for an equal world, a free world, Shockwave was still a product of his...upbringing. Not that it was a bad thing. The way Shockwave handled himself (and the way he looked, no less) made him all the more endearing.]

Then it would't be too bold to ask you to lie next to me.

[He knows it's not. Which is why he asked.]

No, it wouldn't.

( Just confirming what Optimus suspects.

Shockwave gently slides out from underneath Optimus' head, careful not to jostle his prime too much. When he finally settles it's on his side, careful of his wings and size, one of his arms now propping up Optimus' head while he lies on his side. It's comfortable and still gives him the advantage of being able to look at Optimus. )

Will this do?

[There's a slight relief in that--no matter what Optimus assumed, there was that small doubt. They'd been through so much, it was a bit bold to ask so much of Shockwave, especially so soon after his change back.

But here they are, lying down together to stare at the stars.

Maybe sneaking another look at Shockwave in the process. Seeing those blue eyes up close.

Sorry, Shockwave, he's speechless.]

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OLD GAY FIRST THEN NEW GAY

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