rodion | the battle of the feels

( Earth.

He remembers being here before, trapped and then leashed to Skywatch and then once again, however briefly. It would be poetic to say that it felt like another life - and that much was true, if other lives sat heavy on shoulders and invaded his thoughts when he left himself unguarded.

That was then, and this is now. Orion - Optimus (and he can't deny the satisfaction that rises in him at that - his brightest hope took the name he gave and led their race through the war out to the other side, broken and scattered but still there.) rarely leaves him by himself these days, although since their arrival on Earth he's found his attention required elsewhere.

Not tonight, however. Tonight was explicitly their night, by order of their Prime. Prowl had muttered as he left with his combiner entourage (and Shockwave knows about the science behind them and cannot help but feel as if something dark is looming in the near future) but the rest of the Autobots had agreed.

Which left Shockwave sitting a fair distance away from the Ark, on the edge of a cliff he dimly remembers being called the 'Grand Canyon'. Not that he minds - it's beautiful. But at the moment he's far more interested in looking at his hands than the stars, flexing them as he still gets used to the sensation of having two again. )

[Ever since Shockwave had decided to accompany them on this mission, Optimus had been a mixture of feelings. Happiness was one, for sure. The war had taken so much from them, friends and foes alike. Everything always seemed so black and white at the time. The only possible way of saving someone usually meant at the end of a weapon. But somehow, and by some miracle, Shockwave had been the exception. He'd conquered his own prison, and granted a new life. One where he and Optimus could pick up where they left off. In a way...it was warming to his spark.

But with that came apprehension. Four million years accumulated so much tension, so much paranoia, that he couldn't leave the bot alone for an extended period of time. Call it protectiveness if you wish. Either way, he'd insisted that they have some time to talk, to spend time with each other. Against Prowl's obvious disapproval, he left their camp to go meet up with him. Admittedly, he wasn't sure what he'd say--they hadn't had much of a chance to talk with all that's happened. All he knew was that it was long needed, and even longer wanted.

It's not hard to find him, perched on the edge of the canyon. Even then, it's like his spark jumps, feeling the Energon coursing through his proverbial veins. He never was good with these one-on-one talks, not personal ones that is.

He approaches slowly, not necessarily anxious about coming closer, but rather he doesn't want to disturb Shockwave's first look out at their newest location. He's not exactly the most graceful, and he can't do it without a slipping rock, but he takes a seat next to him. Head tilted up to match the once-Senator's.]

Do you remember the skies here?

[Might as well start off simple.]

( A soft smile tugs at his lips when he feels Optimus sit next to him, not bothering to look over at him at the moment. Shockwave is still trying to connect the Orion from the past with the Optimus of now - he's witnessed the progression from the distant perspective of logic and planning, now it's time to connect the two with emotion.

Shockwave doesn't need to look at Optimus to know four million years weighs heavily on him. The differences are stark - leadership and war will do that, he knows - but the parts of Orion he found to be most important are still there. A sense of right and wrong, strong moral conviction, and a good spark. It only confirms what Shockwave though all those years ago: that Orion Pax would be an excellent Prime. )

Not very well, I'm afraid. ( He tears his gaze from the sky to smile at Optimus, warm and open. It's strange to do that again, to have a mouth to smile with - perhaps he'll have to do it more often to make up for the millions of years of disuses. ) There wasn't much of an opportunity to stargaze.

( Running Skywatch's errands with a bomb implanted in his head did limit his leisure time. )

[The war did weigh heavy on the Prime, that was for sure. All the lost lives, all the ways things could have been resolved. Every wrong move, every time they got too caught up in trying to defeat one another...Cybertron suffered, Cybertronians suffered, and in the end, when the smoke cleared and the dust settled...

There was no celebration.

But like anything, Cybertron could be saved. And that was something he couldn't take part in. He was responsible for the ruination of the planet--everything else was left up to the others. But there was hope for him too. Shockwave was living proof of that.

It brings the glisten back to his eyes, finding peace in the bot's company as well as the sky.]

Human cities make it difficult to see the stars like this, much how Cybertron was from the lower levels. But out here, they're as numerous as I remember.

( The longer he feels Optimus next to him, the more relaxed he becomes. A calmness so unlike the storm of emotions he feels barely under his plating. But why would he deny everything he feels after so long without them? If he embraced his emotions before it's nothing like he does now, feeling every change keenly. Shockwave will never go bad to that, not while it's in his power to prevent it.

And if he succumbs to it forever? Well, Optimus surely knows his final wish. There's no other hand he'd rather die by than that of Optimus Prime. )

Mm. ( He's quiet for a moment, making his own calculations before gesturing to a particular star in the night sky. ) It seems so inconsequential from far away.

( Their sun, their planet, everything. )

[It surprisingly has the same effect on him. Shockwave had been one of the many (although one of the most prominent) sources of his guilt. But in the end, Shockwave had been saved. He'd been able to bring back a great bot who'd touched many lives. Ratchet, the outliers, and mostly himself. If the Cybertronians were stars themselves, Shockwave would have been one of the brightest.

Of course, he knows what has to happen should luck turn against them. But it's not something he wants to think about right now. Right now it's just them and the stars.

The Prime's gaze follows that hand up, scanning across the star-littered sky above them, those little ear pieces twitching ever so slightly.]

I felt the same thing on my first experience here. When you're that far away from home, you often wonder how much of an impact you make on the universe.

Well I think we can both guess at what mine was to be. ( On account of the whole 'destroying the universe to make Cybertron undying' thing. ) But even that was not too far afield for what I wanted - the best for our planet. I'm just sorry it became what it did.

( All of his actions were for the benefit of others, for Cybertron. That is something Shockwave cannot, and will not deny. If starting again is something he wants to do then he can't pretend the past four million years didn't happen. He may not have been himself, but he was still Shockwave.

He would wear the name proudly, as he'd always done, and deal with the consequences of doing so.

One of his hands goes to rest on top of Optimus's. Bold, yes, but Shockwave has always cared little about personal space or what others may think of his actions. )

It was not your true intention to go that far, Shockwave. Had you been in a better state of mind, you would have had limits. Your devotion to the planet was something admirable, and your compassion was even more.

[He knows Shockwave inside and out--and that his emotions would have played a much larger role had they been there. It was what separated him from the other Senators, back in the day. It's what the outliers looked up to. It's what made Orion have trust.

And if Shockwave wanted to wear his name with pride, then it would have to be by his side.

Those eyes widen, casting themselves down at the hand now resting on his. It's amazing, how well it fits on top, how...nice it looks. As if it's always belonged there. His fingers spread out slightly, allowing the Senator's own to sink into the spaces between, interlacing them. And holding onto the fingers underneath.

Subtle--he's trying.]

During my stay I learned a lot about human culture. The stars...they're a source of mythology for them.

( There's nothing even Shockwave can find to say to that, except smile at the other - letting the warmth flow through him at Optimus's words. Oh he knows his goals and limits, had always been mindful of them, yet there's nothing quite like looking back on the horrors he's done to make him question it. Except the hand that wrecked destruction and horror over the past four million years is not the hand that Optimus is holding onto now, and Shockwave clings to that.

Hope, and Optimus is the brightest beacon of it he has ever known.

Gently squeezing the hand in his, Shockwave turns his attention back to the stars above them. )

Are they? ( His tone is encouraging and warm. ) I suppose there is no better way to immortalize someone than to put them for everyone to see.

[It was like he'd said to Prowl about Megatron--he had to believe that Cybertronians could be given a second chance. If anyone deserved that, it was Shockwave. The only reason things had gone the way they did were because he was so passionate. That others saw him as a threat, and in trying to silence him, made an entirely new one. As that hand squeezes his, he remembers that this is something to hold onto.

And this time, he wasn't daring to let go.

It was funny, how easily this came after four million years. His gaze remains fixed on the stars, though, focused on a few in particular.]

Mm. They each have stories. Most have been lost over the expanse of the war, but I recognize a few.

[His head nods, towards one in the lower part of the sky. Towards Cybertron.]

Our planet's star is part of one.

( It's easy to let the past fall away like this - and for once Shockwave embraces it. Just the two of them, the stars, and the stories. Nothing else intervening and nothing else to bother them.

In some ways they've both earned this break from the world. )

You can't simply say that and not elaborate, Optimus.

[And what a much-needed getaway it was. For all the work that needed to be done--all the problems that had to be fixed, Optimus needed a time to get away from it all. And for once, not having to leave to do so.]

I believe Scorpius is the one we are indirectly a part of. Named after a human animal known as the scorpion.

[A finger points up, to the tail end of it]

The tip there is the sun that our home orbits.

Scorpius. ( Not a fitting name for the constellation that holds their sun, but Shockwave feels as if he has very little room to complain. ) And its story, if it has one?

( He sounds pensive, as if he's already creating a story for why humanity would pick that particular animal to immortalize. Perhaps it had once been a deadly threat to the population? Which seems inconceivable - everything on this planet is so small compared to the organics he knew of.

Still, perhaps there's something he's missing. )

[Ah, now that's where Optimus gets placid. That hand holds tighter onto those fingers, his gaze never faltering from the sky.

But it gets a slight laugh out of him.]

You're going to find it funny.

[A bit of forewarning, okay.]

I'm certain of it. But that doesn't mean it's not worth telling.

( He wants to know, Optimus. And while most of his attention is on the stars above he can't help himself from sneaking glances at the other now and again. Not that much about Optimus has changed from the last they saw each other, and he remembers the changes in appearance from when he could not feel anything about it, but now that he can register an opinion on them he's going to have to start noticing them.

He likes the changes to his helm. That's a good place to begin. )

[Optimus wouldn't have noticed those glances if his life depended on it. For as observant as he was, as the Autobot head of command, he certainly couldn't tell nuances in people's behavior. For all he knows, Shockwave's just urging him to continue.

There's a soft vent, recollecting the story he'd looked up. Really, there was one reason why he'd keep such a myth locked in his brain--but Shockwave would soon find that out.]

There was once a hunter named Orion--[There we go.]--and he once claimed he could kill any animal that was on the planet, and thought himself superior. His pride caught the attention of the gods, or whatever higher being the humans believed in.

They sent Scorpius to deal with him.

[He pauses, as if waiting for Shockwave's commentary. He knows he's got some.]

( As soon as he says the name, Shockwave can't help the small huff of laughter that escapes him. Of course. But when the myth is explained more his grin grows wider.

And, oh yes, he has some. )

That seems particularly un-Orion like. But as you came first, I suppose their mistake can be blamed on not having met you.

( A wave of his free hand. )

Please, continue.

[His eyes immediately draw themselves to Shockwave. As if to say 'I KNEW IT'. He even leans forward, to emphasize that, with wide optics. That grin alone proves your guilt.

But at the statement, he leans back, once again casting his gaze to the stars.]

I like to think it's just pure coincidence. Now, the creature's tail can poison a man and kill him. So when Orion went up against it, he was killed. The gods immortalized both Orion and Scorpius in the sky, one in the summer and one in the winter.

[His hand gestures up, to the constellation.]

The humans joke that it is because Orion is running away from the beast that killed him.

( Coincidence? Most likely, but it won't stop Shockwave from grinning at him and being beyond amused at the entire thing. He's not sorry, Optimus. And when he speaks again his tone is beyond amused. )

Ah, see, now I know you're not alike at all. You would never have been killed so easily. And I think Primus has better things to do than let us live even longer in the stars.

( He's not the most religious bot around, focusing his efforts on science rather than belief. It seems strange to think there are some who can still believe after their war, who would want to think that. Still, he isn't one to judge. )

[See, this is what he was talking about. You and that smile of yours that says nothing but means so much. Those ear pieces swivel back a fraction as he listens though, listening to the Senator's words.

Which make him think, oddly enough.]

You think so? I suppose your faith in me is rather comforting, in case I go up against any scorpions on this planet.

[Aw look, he's trying to make a joke.]

I didn't think you put much emphasis into...mythos like Primus.

( It's a good attempt, and it gets a low rumble of laughter from Shockwave. )

My hero.

( He turns fully towards Optimus, the hand that isn't still clasped in Optimus' hand moving to gently brush the ear decorations gently. He can't resit it - with every twitch his attention is brought back to them. )

You'd be right. But myths are a way of explaining the world around us, of putting a name to the things we don't understand, or can't yet explain. Do I think the stories are true? No. But I know that we are gifted with the ability to change our shape like no other species out there, and the ways we seek to explain that are just as important as the fact we can at all.

[It may have been a joke, but Optimus's eyes cast away a moment at the 'hero', bit. If anything, he felt like he'd failed Shockwave. Left him at the hands of the Institute. To him, that was anything but a hero.

He doesn't have long to dwell on that, though, as he feels those fingers touch his ear piece, it twitching in reply. They were more sensitive to gentle touch than he'd like to admit, and his distant eyes change to wide ones.

But he doesn't pull away, for as surprising as it was to him, it's got him in a trance, head tilting towards him like a dog. Involuntarily of course.]

I had a feeling you'd come up with an answer like that--A way to be both wrong and right at the same time. Sometimes, I'd like to think there is some kind of higher out there to explain things. You know I'm not the religious type, but for...convenience. Put a face to something when it goes wrong.

[Ironic.]

It's a double-edged sword no matter what.

Edited 2014-07-09 01:00 (UTC)

( And Shockwave would remind him that he went willingly, and wouldn't change his decision if it meant saving Roller's life. What he became was not Optimus' fault. If anyone, it was his own for not fighting through the Shadowplay before.

Hedging his bets that physical affection is something the Prime rarely experience, he keeps at it. After all, Optimus hasn't registered any objection to it. )

Then we would never learn from our mistakes. If the Guiding Hand exists, they've done us a favor by leaving us here alone to make our own way in the universe. ( But! ) There's more than two constellations in these skies, Optimus. Surely you know the story for another.

[It'd been a guilt he'd carried for so long. Something he should have accounted for, really. There were nights where he would go over that night again and again in his head, seeing what went wrong. He'd done that with a lot of mistakes. It made for a very depressing wartime, to be honest.

Here, he was just starting to recover. To let those wounds heal. Shockwave trusted him, and he wouldn't mess it up a second time.

But the caressing of his ear piece causes his head to dip lower, eyes dimming as they cast themselves back to the Senator. He knows you're doing this on purpose now, Shockwave. You're not being incredibly subtle about it.]

Right. I suppose I'll have to take a look at the sky.

[Just...in a moment.]

( Subtle and Shockwave have never really been on speaking terms before, and they're certainly not going to start.

With a fond smile at Optimus, he stops - but not before taking a moment to appreciate how at ease the other looks. His plan, unfortunately, means letting go of his Prime and moving away, but he makes up for the sudden lack of physical contact by grabbing Optimus' shoulder. )

Here.

( There's a gentle pressure as Shockwave tugs at him, and if Optimus doesn't resist he'll find himself with his head in Shockwave's lap - the ex-Senator's hands back on the ear piece. )

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